Soup Friday: Simply Turkey - Turkey Noodle
This evening, I headed over to Simply Turkey & More to try their cream of crab soup that is only served on Fridays. A signature Friday soup: what a match made in Soup Heaven for this soup reviewer. I drove from the gym where I just completed a briskly-paced 25-minute jog on a treadmill. Still a bit sweaty, I arrived at Simply Turkey at 6:20 PM. A powerful gust of wind shut the door in front of me and I noticed they would be closing in 40 minutes. Much to my chagrin, the only remaining soup options were turkey noodle and chili. Some may blame me for getting there too late in the day, but I choose to blame the cluster of health insurance companies that have multiple buildings within a block of Simply Turkey’s premises. I guess their avarice expands beyond taking all of our money. Now, they want to eat all of our soup too! If only there was a Luigi Minestrone.
I settle on turkey noodle. At the register, the cashier offers me a free brownie or cookie because they’ll just be thrown out in an hour. I immediately become suspicious of this kind gesture. Are restaurants now becoming aware of Soup Friday? Are restaurants now bribing me, a well-known sweet tooth, with sugary treats in an effort to boost their soup’s rating? Will I sell out and have Soup Fridays take place in Riyadh next year? These questions swirl around my head as I disdainfully select the brownie with nuts.
On the drive home, I attempted to avoid eating the brownie before the soup to avoid affecting the final soup rating. Unfortunately, this proved to be more challenging than originally expected. Sitting on my passenger seat, the square-shaped dessert’s demure presence generated an irresistible allure. I resisted the urge as much as I could, but in the end, I was too weak and too hungry. I used one hand to start peeling the Saran Wrap off of it. Even in the darkness of my car, I could still admire its fudgy beauty. I took my first bite. Any of my remaining moral concerns quickly faded away. It was rich, airy, and had just the right number of chopped walnuts on top. I devoured my chocolate paramour in front of the brown paper bag containing my loyal Friday soup. I parked my car with my right hand holding just a clump of plastic as the few residual crumbs began to scatter onto the floor. Shame engulfed me.
Artist depiction of the fudge fatale that enchanted me.
I placed the brown bag in the kitchen and immediately headed to the bathroom to take a cold shower. I started to question my debaucherous actions. What have I done? Can my ratings be bought with a delectable treat? Are Soup Fridays sullied forever? I refused to believe that any of this was true and focused on completing my two primary Friday directives: eating and rating soup.
Even when you let her down, Soup Friday will always be by your side.
By the time I dried off, the turkey noodle was still warm. I opened its lid to release fetid steam that reminded me of stomach acid. While the soup didn’t taste as rancid as the smell, its tartness was still striking. More than likely, it would have ended up as a 2 on the Ph scale. Unfortunately, I just used my last litmus paper strip on myself the other day to test how basic I am (a 10.5, by the way). On the positive side, it reminded me of a tasty bowl of Hoss’s chicken noodle soup with more celery and carrots but without garlic bread or any of the other essential salad bar fixins on the side. I also enjoyed the turkey and the noodles on their own. They did their best to make up for broth’s bitter flavor. If you ever order this soup, just remember to bring some spare baking soda or cream to ensure a better dining experience!
Ultimately, the brownie only had either a negative or inconsequential impact on the soup rating. Good try Simply Turkey & More, you sneaky rascals!