The Definitive Rankings of Numbers (0-99)
Guidelines:
To avoid writing to infinity and beyond (Sponsored by Disney – GO SEE TOY STORY 5 NOW, YOU LEMMING!), I will only be ranking zero through ninety-nine. Some will dispute the idea of including zero, but zero is a value and one hundred would force me to rank all of the triple digits. Furthermore, I will only be ranking single-digit zero to avoid another slippery slope of ranking 00, 000, etc. (Sorry James Bond!)
Thanks to the folks at Pixar for sponsoring this blog!
You may disagree with a few of these findings, but I’ve run thousands of calculations and all the final tallies align invariably with one another.
The list commences with the worst number and ascends to the top number of them all.
Without further delay or image, here’s the list!
100. 49 – No one in the world will say their favorite number is 49. If they do, they’re a poser hipster who in actuality just likes seven squared.
99. 37
98. 64
97. 61
96. 89
95. 83
94. 73
93. 63 – Tough run for the delegation of numbers ending in a three.
92. 38
91. 59
90. 45
89. 48
88. 60
87. 50 – Roman Numeral of L does it no favors.
86. 29 – Those born on Leap Day may take umbrage with this ranking, but they can take it up with Caesar.
85. 62
84. 65
83. 41
82. 96 – While it represents the paragon of what head-to-toe sleeping with your buddy in the same bed should look like with no one getting a whiff of the other’s tootsies, it’s a subpar number.
81. 75
80. 52
79. 31
78. 40
77. 71 – Apologies to all the current and former offensive lineman. You all endure the toughest responsibilities, obtain little to no glory for your efforts, and on top of your third concussion of the year, you’re rewarded with the worst jersey numbers.
76. 67 – Apologies to the current and future former reader for all those sixes and sevens in a row. No consideration of the meme was used for or against it in this ranking. It’s a nice palindrome though!
75. 35
74. 93
73. 72
72. 56
71. 79
70. 81
69. 76 – Call me a commie hater of ‘Murica all you want, but it’s a fitting rating given the country’s robust porn industry.
68. 30
67. 28
66. 70
65. 95 – I don’t think Martin Luther agrees with this one.
64. 25
63. 19 – The first sub-twenty number. It always feels like it doesn’t know where it belongs just like many of us at that age.
62. 68
61. 80
60. 55
59. 78
58. 86 — Probably one of coolest number names, but it’s a lot more fun to say than look at.
57. 98
56. 91
55. 66 — Great order number, meh number.
54. 4 – Our first single digit appears. The cute little right-angled triangle that occasionally adorns it helps make four look less bland, but its most common form is just a one connected to an ‘L’.
53. 87
52. 36
51. 21 – Cheers! We’ve made it through the first half!
50. 74
49. 85
48. 14
47. 46
46. 90
45. 20
44. 82
43. 0 – It looks cool on an athlete’s jersey assuming they have the prerequisite amount of swagger to rock it, but it doesn’t look so great on a bank statement, so a spot near the middle of the list feels appropriate.
42. 94
41. 39
40. 58
39. 47
Now, some numbers likely bolstered by beloved professional athletes who wore these numbers when I was younger:
38. 26 – Dear Chase, I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so alike. I'd like to meet you one day, it would be great to have a catch.
37. 12 – Suck it, TB. Foles and Eli besting you on another front.
36. 43 – Shout out to my fellow short king, Darren Sproles and Polamalu (Doo Doo Doo Doo!) as well.
35. 51 - Ichiro
34. 16 - It’s cooler to turn sixteen than the number itself, but it’s alright.
33. 53
32. 69 – Many oral fans and devout followers of certain religions will be disappointed with how low or high it landed respectively, but let’s all just appreciate its reflective aesthetic as a mirror image of one another.
31. 6 – A digit that’s too burly for its own good and too much of a wuss that’s scared of seven because of some defamatory rumor spread for 1-6 propaganda reasons.
30. 9 - A cooler version of six but also unimaginative.
29. 92
28. 13 – It’s lucky, it’s unlucky, it can’t make up its damn mind.
27. 15
26. 97
25. 5 - The letter S has probably sued for infringement multiple times now. Having a special Roman numeral in V benefits it here, but not tremendously.
24. 84
23. 57 – It’s tough for me to trust anyone who doesn’t prefer Heinz ketchup.
22. 77
21. 22
20. 44 – Tough run for the repdigit fans.
19. 18 – Happy Armistice, Friendo!
18. 42 – Now known for breaking the color and top eighteen barrier!
17. 32
16. 27 – Tough luck for those who guessed wrong earlier. Enjoy Anton’s cattle gun!
15. 17
14. 34
13. 24
12. 1 – A boring design, a bit of an egotistical number, and the loneliest of all, but we couldn’t have the other numbers without it.
11. 2 - A cool looking number with a shitty reputation. I love how it kind of looks like a swan. Discovering the version with a loop as a kid was revolutionary.
10. 10 – A number for leaders and legends, plus, its Roman numeral of X is pretty rad. Although, by association, Elon’s obsession with the letter unfortunately knocks it down a few spots.
9. 54 – The ultimate bad ass linebacker number – there’s nothing more intimidating than the snarl of a 6’4’’ 250-pound man wearing this number on his chest in the middle of a field.
8. 88 - Thanks! I eight it!
7. 3 – Important things come in threes: triangles, movie trilogies, and tres leches cake.
6. 23 – Unintentional Lebron celebration on a number popularized by Jordan.
5. 33
4. 99 – Whether if it’s counting luftballons, bananas, or something else, the greatest number in total amongst this group is also one of its greatest icons.
3. 11 – There’s a reason special guitar amplifiers go up to it. It gains the rhymes with Evan bonus and earns the title of the king of the double-digit numbers. No bias from someone born on November 11th was factored into this ranking. No sirree!
2. 7 - Maybe it’s basic, but it’s just an effortlessly cool digit whose slickness survives the addition of an alternative edition featuring an inane middle dash. Not to mention, it also rhymes with Evan!
1. 8 – Eight earned its spot as the top number due to its versatility. Not only does 8 look like a snowman, but it’s also part of a figure skating move, the most iconic numbered ball in pool, the salient role of 8 bits in technology, and if you turn it sideways, it becomes infinity, ergo its worth is boundless (Don’t you dare Infinity+1 me you son of a bitch!). Above all, it’s the key digit that allowed us to let our imaginations run wild and type out 58008 on an upside-down calculator in math class. Where would our species be without the number 8?
